I’ve learned recently that I struggle. With a lot of things. But more importantly I seem to go from struggle to struggle.
Back in November, during my prayers and everything leading up to this month (for some reason) I was being led to pray about fasting. I didn’t quite understand why, because I’m an American and I want everything I have and I want it when I want it. Want it how and as much as I want it.
Coffee. Coffee is something I’ve leaned upon for a long time. I find comfort in it. I mean comfort in the hot mug between my hands first thing in the morning. The bold jolt of energy I received from inhaling my first cup, got me going for the day.
I also enjoy the appetite suppressant of coffee. I’ve worked very hard to lose some weight and get on track to having a healthy lifestyle. So instead of eating, I noticed I brewed and drank. The more I drank the less I eat on a given day. Energy and weight sustaining help, I loved it.
So did I really learn anything about myself with the weight loss? I know I’m not done, but I also know that I’ve replaced eating for comfort with coffee for comfort. I’m moving from one tangible comfort item to the next.
I’ve put on a few pounds since after Christmas and beginning this coffee fasting. Guess what I’ve gone back to? You probably guessed it– food. Namely, puppy chow. I’m reaching for chocolate to get through my cravings.
What on earth is my problem?! Why must I turn to a tangible comfort item when I clearly have God… or do I? How desperate am I for Him?
That’s how this journey began. I’m desperate for God to move in me and truly change me. Maybe this 21 days of fasting will be for me to realize I have something deeper to work on than just an addiction to food. I’m not healed of it yet. I quickly put those pounds back on by just simply taking out coffee.
Lord, I come to you right now. I pray over my soul and thank you for showing me what coffee was hiding in my life. I’m still addicted to food. I’m addicted to the comfort of a full stomach, a sweet remnant on my tongue. Food is not just nutrition in my life. Would you help me heal the draw to the kitchen for food? Would you help me feel full and satiated and satisfied so that I may continue to live a healthy life. You’ve shown me nearly 2 years ago that if I continue this lifestyle, I would be sinning. You reside in my body. I am a temple. “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own” 1 Corinthians 6:19. I am not my own. Do I want my God living in a temple that is fed like this? My God I am desperate for you to create real change in me. Visible change. I am set free and set apart. So please help me to live this life. May my health be completely surrendered to You. I pray with great anticipation. Amen.
Have you made a change in your life for the good only to find out you’re actually covering it with something else?