It was 2 A.M. the other night when my husband and I were peacefully sleeping. Him on about 1/4 of the bed and me spread across the rest in a diagonal. The children’s doors closed tight, dogs asleep in the kitchen on their bed. Out of no where this sound fulfills my very being. I awoke with adrenaline and my feet set out for action on the floor. I walked quickly down the hall, my husband on my tail. Our house alarm was going off.
When we figured out it was just a phone line issue and no threat was actually taking place, my husband just went on to bed like nothing happened. I didn’t, though. I was awake for another two hours with adrenaline coursing through my veins. At that time I thought, “This is better than any coffee or any running high!” Except it was 2 AM or 3AM or 4 AM and not the most convenient time for this type of energy.
During that time I was awake, I began thinking, “If God set off an alarm of conviction in me, would I be up and ready to tackle it? Am I prepared? Would I even know?”
Lately I’ve been praying differently because sin is affecting me differently than ever before. I literally convulse with the ingestion of new situations of sin taking place every day. My heart is broken for others and the issues happening around the world in front of me.
Typically when we see the pain and struggles of our friends, family, country, we want it to just change. But how can it just change if I don’t start changing myself first? I need to take a deeper look at my own sinful nature and deal with that first. I want to feel deeply troubled over my own sins so that I can seek the One who will heal me, forgive me, transform me.
Last night, my husband and I were watching the news. I was tired, up past my bed time. I was talking about how beautiful the news anchor having twins was and how she looked so fit and glowed. I could see the appreciation of her pregnancy in her eyes, even. Then this other gal came on the screen. She was a beautiful young lady too, but I began judging her. So much so I even went to the TV screen to point out how she isn’t dressed appropriately or respectably.
WHO DOES THIS?!
Just like the house alarm that went off a few weeks ago, God alarmed me in that moment. I even said aloud, “That’s enough judging for tonight. Thanks for that conviction, God.”
I was sick over my own sin. I’m so grateful that God does convict me. Shows me the errors of my ways so that my own daughter or son will not become like me at that moment of judgment.
Grateful that God knew in 2015 that I’d be here needing His mercies anew every single day. Grateful for that work done on the cross so I don’t have to.
