Leadership Within: Navigating Life, Loss, and Transformative Mindset

In this podcast episode of “Crying in My Cheesecake,” host Danielle explores the theme of leadership, particularly focusing on the concept of women as natural influencers. She reflects on the role of women in guiding and influencing others, drawing parallels between biblical surrender, where men are the head and women are the neck, holding the metaphorical map. Danielle shares personal experiences, emphasizing the importance of being mindful of the influences and relationships in one’s life.

The episode takes an introspective turn as Danielle discusses her realization of a scarcity mindset around time and the pressure she puts on herself. She delves into her childhood experiences of loss and sickness, linking them to her current mindset challenges. The narrative unfolds with Danielle exploring the significance of mindset in building healthy habits and the transformative journey within her Wilderness of Wellness community.

Danielle offers insights into the six-phase success path of the Wilderness of Wellness program, emphasizing the critical role of mindset in maintaining and sustaining positive habits. The podcast concludes with an invitation to join the Wilderness of Wellness, providing a waitlist for exclusive offers, bonuses, and early access to the community.

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Email Danielle: hello@cryinginmycheesecake.com

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Welcome to the crying in my cheesecake podcast, where we are in pursuit of living life abundantly, not held back by our body size or symptoms, nor are we held back by our hurts, habits, or other obstacles in life. Learn the secrets to crush it in your health, wellness, relationships, and spiritual life. I am Danielle, your host and practitioner.

And in this episode, we’re going to talk, I don’t even know where we’re going today. Is that fair? Because I am all over the place and I have so much I want to talk about and so much I want to share. So let’s just see where we go. So I actually want to share something that came to realization this weekend to me and it is a piece of, it’s a leadership skill.

I actually asked inside my Wilderness of Wellness community, I asked the ladies, I’m like to have them define to me what leadership is and if they think that they’re a leader. And I should probably have logged in and figured out what they’re like had their responses ready for you. If you’ll give me one moment while I do that in some grace, I think it’s interesting when we think of leadership.

We think of people in charge. We typically think of this this idea that Someone has to be in charge. Someone has to be perfect Someone has to be taking the reins and someone is doing something right? So I said inside this the Community on the chat feed, I said we called it Basecamp. Back on Baseo camp, I said, do you believe you’re a leader?

I’m not going to try to add anything more to that question. You just interpreted the way you want to answer. So one of the members or one of the ladies inside. I said, yes, I am like emphatically, yes, I am. I have two thoughts on this. First, I’m not afraid to step up and lead if the situation calls for it, especially if no one else is leading.

Secondly, I think we are all leaders as there’s always someone around us who we can influence or guide. Personally, I’m the matriarch of our family. I have two married sons and their own families, a responsibility I don’t take lightly and really rely on the Lord’s guidance. Oh my gosh, tell me we don’t have amazing women inside this membership, inside this community, the Wilderness of Wellness, because that is literally verbatim the most beautiful answer I could have asked for.

We are all leaders. We are all leaders because of the exact words that this, this community member, we call them campers said. Influence and guide. As women, if you’re a woman listening to this, which is almost all of the demographics of people who listen to this, this podcast, women are created to influence.

One of the amazing sermons, I guess it would be that I got to sit under was at my church in Indianapolis, Indiana. And this pastor and his wife, had a demonstration on stage and they conducted their, their sermon together, their teaching session together in biblical way as well. So the way they described it is the man is in the driver’s seat.

We women hold the map. We influence which way the head turns. And ideally which way the car turns, right? We hold the map. We literally know where, where to go, or we have the tools in front of us and we have the intellect and the creativity and the forethought and all of the things that are going on in women’s mind.

We have all of those gifts. We were born innately with those gifts. Men are really good at most of the time following directions. And when we think about surrender, biblical surrender of women and man, and I don’t, like I said, I don’t know where we’re going today, but we’re going here. When we think of biblical surrender of a woman to a man, the man is the head, but the woman is the neck.

The woman is the one with the map. If you think about it, the, there is always some kind of truth in jokes, right? There’s some truth in stereotypes. If mom’s mad, everyone’s mad. If mom’s not happy, no one’s happy. That is so true because we are influences in our home and our behaviors, our thoughts, our people that we allow in our life, those influence us and then also influence our family.

Think about it. If you are around a bunch of women who are gossiping and down, or like putting their husbands down all the time and complaining, not necessarily gossiping, but maybe, but if they’re putting their husbands down all the time, and then all of a sudden you start putting your husband down because you’re seeing all these negative things that they’re talking about.

And you know, it’s amplifying those things that are around us that amplify us, influence us too. So it’s almost a greater responsibility of women. To be very careful of who we’re around, who we allow in our ears, in our eyes and have conversations with, you know, the summer, my members of the wilderness of wellness, we are actually having a retreat, a live retreat in person and only members get to come only people that join the membership get to come and it They’re the ones that have pushed me to do this, to be quite frank.

They are so dang excited and they’re helping me out with all of this organization and so forth. And it’s interesting because these women inside this community have become so tight. Sometimes so tight that I’m like, oh wait, where do I fit in? But they’re so tight. That when someone new comes on, it’s as if they were there forever, like they were supposed to be there.

They are so tight in that someone starts to isolate, they know. Someone starts to self harm by overeating or, you know, not taking care of themselves in whatever fashion they said that they wanted to, they know. It is a community that knows that the important piece of, of health and wellness and lifestyle and everything revolves around your relationship with Jesus revolves in your, just like this, this community member said revolves around your responsibility, whether you are the matriarch of the family, whether you are influencing grandchildren or your own children or children in your community at church, wherever it is, they know that.

And I have been working on, I don’t have my notes with me from my meeting that I had with my leadership group, but something came to me this weekend and I was feeling rushed. I was feeling like, oh my gosh, there’s not enough time to do all the things. Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever feel like, why, why are there 24 hours in a day and I can’t seem to get my crap together, right?

For me, I am not only I’m married to a retired veteran of the Air Force who also still works for the Air Force and we all of those things. And then I am homeschooling three children who have three different act like multiple different activities throughout the week. And then trying to get my schedule around that.

And then I have a full time business and I have this, the wilderness of wellness. I have my clinic. And so it’s busy, okay. I am entering into a travel, a busy travel season for me. I’m a homebody. Like I, I never had a curfew until I met my husband. But I never had a curfew because I would be in, showered and in bed by 10 o’clock, whether it was at my house or my best friend’s house.

And I just had no desire to go out and be out late. I had no, like, my mom knew I didn’t want, I didn’t care to be that, like, I’ll be social during the out, during business hours, but for sure, let me go home and sleep and do my own thing. So I’m entering into this travel season. And travel season as a woman, I’m talking, going back to this influence, this travel season as a woman requires us to almost be like a teacher again.

We have sub plans for the husband, making sure that everybody’s on the same page and making sure all of the things are in order for when we’re gone, let alone the work that needs to be done now. Right? So this busy season of travel for me starts. Next week, I believe, and I’m heading to retreat. I’m heading, I have continuing education in May.

I’m running the retreat for the membership in June. I’m studying for my boards. My boards are in Vegas in August. And then my cousin and I want to go on a trip for my 40th birthday. I will be 40 this year. I cannot believe I’ll be 40 and I feel amazing by the way. I just remember my dad at 40. He was.

He’s two years away from his first heart attack. He was already diabetic, already had high cholesterol, already had, you know, multiple back surgeries and things. And here I am jet setting across the world and by the grace of God, mind you and the intellect that he has given me and the resources he’s given me, you know, to even know how to stay healthy, to do all these things.

And then I have a retreat this fall and I just realized yesterday out of default, my default. Is to put expectations on myself that no one else has asked me to do. It’s this programming that I have to be better than everyone else and have my stuff together at all times. I have to look like this. In fact, I had one of my community ladies reach out to me and say, you know, I just had it on my heart that I needed to check in on you.

I know that it looks like you have everything in order, and you are this powerhouse of a woman, and you are, and all of these things. But has anyone asked you how you’re doing? And I was like, well, it’s interesting. No, no one has asked me how I’m doing. But, and I explained to her, I’m having, I’m working on some rehab on my lower back, and my pelvic floor and stuff, and I was sore, and she was like, Well, I would have never known and I said, I know, but I have this pressure going back to this.

I had this pressure that I have put on myself that I have to look like I have it together at all times. It is my comfort zone having this perfect facade and not telling people of my concerns, not worrying about things, not talking about things. This is my comfort zone so that no one can judge me, hurt me, or tell me I wasn’t doing my part.

I know exactly where it comes from and my leadership side came out to treat myself last night. I was hanging up laundry at 8. And I was just standing there and I’m just like, annoyed that I had to do my laundry and I’d gone. This is really sad. I’d gone three weeks without doing laundry, which means I have way too many clothes.

But I went three weeks without doing my laundry and I was finally to the point I needed to do laundry. So I was sitting there. I was. Throwing stuff in the dryer and then hanging stuff up because I’m a gal that hangs up my jeans, hangs up my dress pants. Many of my clothes need to be hung. So I was standing there and it dawned on me, Danielle, who told you, you have to have X, Y, Z done to be perfect in order to X, Y, Z.

So I was like, wait a minute. I was dealing with scarcity of time. Scarcity of time. And I didn’t realize that I had a scarce, like I have fixed my scarcity mindset around food. I fixed my scarcity mindset around money. I fixed my scarcity mindset over a lot of things, relationships and things like that.

But I did not realize I had a scarcity mindset around time. An unhealthy scarcity mindset around time. I know that we are here on this earth but for a split second, I know that. But I didn’t realize this until last night that for as long as I can remember, I have been surrounded by death and sickness.

You know, one of my, so I, I have memories of being four years old, still have memories of that with my saddle shoes, my black and white saddle shoes, always in wide or extra wide. And I remember tight learning to tie my shoes in Florida when I was four and I just didn’t care to learn until I was four. And then I had a daughter who beat me and didn’t care to learn until she was I think nine or 10.

One of the other pivotal memories I have, or many of the pivotal memories I have as a child, are surrounded by death and sickness. And you know in our formative years is where a lot of our Belief system, philosophies, and the way that we go through life are formed. The way we learn to navigate life is formed at that time.

And so, having been surrounded by death and sickness so early, I remember in kindergarten as a six year old, my grandmother died. My grandmother died during a liver transplant because what they diagnosed her with back then was called primary biliary cirrhosis of the liver. Today, that’s called fatty liver disease and we can truly prevent it.

This is something that is genetic and it can pass down, like the susceptibility to these clogged ducts, these issues is very, you know, genetic wise. You could be more susceptible. So that means you need to eat better foods, have better enzymes, better support. Maybe not drink alcohol or drink drink other inflammatory things, eat inflammatory things, really be supportive of the liver.

We didn’t know that back in 1990, 89, 90. We didn’t know that. But we do now. This theme is gonna continue. So I lost my grandmother. Oh, wait, I’m sorry. That wasn’t in kindergarten. That was in, that was in first grade. Kindergarten, I lost my grand my step grandfather. I never knew my real grandfather on my dad’s side.

He didn’t want to know me and I didn’t want to, I, when he died, I didn’t want to know him, but I’ll get to that in a minute. But in kindergarten, I lost my step grandfather. I remember coming downstairs. And it was an A frame home, and I come downstairs, and I look at everyone crying. My mom had owls on the walls, and I remember looking in the bathroom at the owl on the wall and my mom crying.

I’ve never seen my mom cry. And again, this was, I was six years old, and I realized that he passed away. And I just sat in the middle of the living room and cried. And I remember staring at him in the casket. I remember, you know, like, loss. I, that was my first experience of actual loss. And then first grade was my grandmother with the fatty liver disease, and and she had just been at one of my grandparents days, like, the year before.

And, not even a year before, actually. And she had that disease. She died after the transplant. Her body was just tired. Her body took the liver, everything, but her body shut down. She had the most beautiful white casket. The most beautiful She was just such a beautiful, dainty woman. I was not dainty. I’m not dainty.

So I did not get those genes from her. But I remember I remember. I remember the things I did with her, the things that she taught me. She taught me needlepoint. She taught me how to play Uno. She read to me. She spent time with me because she was always on the couch, sick.

We have memories, I have memories of her that my brother doesn’t even have. I remember going into what is it called, fur coat stores with her. I still carry the gas means so if something happens I’m always like, Gasp! And that’s how my son thinks I’m going to die, but he thinks I’m going to choke on food or something and die doing that.

But that is something I carry on from her, that I have learned from her. It was a behavior I learned. And she was gone when I was seven. Fast forward two years, and two days later, and my grandfather died. Her husband died. Grandpa John was Amazing, he was hilarious, he, he was the real deal, he was involved, he cared he taught he was someone that, he was an engineer, he was also in the military and so I come from a lot of military, my grandpa that died in when I was six also was in the military, and I remember him, anyway so my grandpa when I was nine.

He passed away in an airplane crash that I was supposed to be on something inside me at nine years old told me not to go. He offered to take me down to Texas with him to go pick up a plane and come back. So he was a pilot and he was getting howdy duty painted off of his plane. And I was going to go fly down with him.

I was going to fly commercial down with him and then fly back private with him. And the. At the time airplane, the pilot the pilot seats did not require five point harness or even chest straps. So his airplane only had a lap strap. If he had had the, the five point harness that they do now, he would still be alive and considered like, you know, a hero for landing the plane and walking away and whatever.

But he passed in that saving someone else’s life, but yeah, that was. That was a really low blow and it’s still I don’t feel like I’ve processed that still that that still lingers to this day. I even have tears even thinking about it because we lost a leader for my dad. We lost a leader for my mom and for my family.

And so there was that. And then there, there was a death when I was in middle school of my dad’s biological dad. I think it was a middle school or high school. I didn’t know him and my dad offered for me to go to the funeral and I said, you know what, why would I go if I don’t even know him? I don’t even like, he is nothing.

So there was that, like that grief of that life has been lots and lots of things for me. Lots of loss, death, sickness. My dad’s first heart attack was when he was 42 and I was 11. I was in fifth grade and then he just continued to deteriorate more family deteriorating. And then I realized that while that was happening, in the recent five to ten years, there has been more death and more sickness around me.

I have so many family members dying from preventable diseases. Preventable diseases. None of them were lost because of an accident. None of them were lost because they peacefully just no longer took a breath. All of them, within the last five to ten years, it has been heart and diabetes. And that includes my dad, and he’s not gone physically, but he’s definitely not there, and he’s not part of life.

And where I go, like grief to me is like this feeling that centers everything, but really I’m annoyed. I’m annoyed because I know that I know that I know that while I have strong genetics for heart disease and diabetes, I am living proof that that doesn’t have to be my end game. People continue to surrender themselves to their ailments and disease and say, well, this is just what life is going to be.

And if I can be frank, this is my podcast, gosh darn, I’m going to say it. I’m annoyed. There is nothing about taking radical responsibility there. Radical responsibility is leadership. It is sometimes having to lead yourself like I did last night when I realized that scarcity of time was holding me back.

Was causing me undue anxiety and anxiousness and whatever for something that didn’t even matter. Because I put those expectations on myself. But scarcity in time has been an underlying thing for me. So because I refuse to be held back by anything, body size, symptoms, myself, anybody else, I decided to lead myself and say, Okay, so time is scarce.

Cool. Now, what do I do with that? How do I take action with that? And the answer is What I do with my time is what actually matters. It’s not about how many things I can tick off my arbitrary list. It’s not about how many things that I can do to impress myself. I don’t live for accolades. I don’t live for money.

In fact, that grandfather that died when I was nine, he offered me to put 200 bills in the early nineties on the table, which 200 was a lot of money back then. Right? He put 200 down on the table when I was, I don’t know, seven, eight and eight. And he’s like, go cut your hair. Because let’s be real. My hair, I was very, I was not whatever.

Let me, let me just say. I looked at that 200, and I’m like, nah, I don’t need it. I am not influenced by money. I’m not influenced by accolades. I’m influenced by people’s change because of what they’ve learned from me. I’m influenced by the peop or I’m not I’m influenced and what keeps me going is seeing the ripple effects of what I’ve taught someone, moving to their children, moving to their friends, moving to create a healthier environment so that We can’t be swayed like the palm tree in wind, that we have deep roots like an oak tree that’s been there for a hundred years and still living so that when something happens, we’re not like crippled and, Oh my gosh, I’m going to go eat because I don’t know how else to deal with this feeling that I don’t know how to feel because I haven’t gone into deeper places of help to find why my mindset is the way it is.

And that’s why I, in phase one of my Wilderness of Wellness, it’s all about the mindset. It’s all about the mindset because if we don’t have a changed mind and able to access these things like I did last night, if we can’t access these things, then how on earth are our habits going to stay the same? How are we going to keep, I’m sorry, how on earth are we going to keep or start implementing new habits and think that they’re going to stay?

Because as soon as you get these, you can do, you can be perfect on your health habits. Drinking your water, getting enough protein, eating the right amount of carbs for your body, eating the right amounts of food for your body. You could be exercising, getting your walks in, sleeping great. But what happens when this, like for me, scarcity mindset of time.

What happens when that pops in? What do you do? How do you cope? You have to face it. So inside the wilderness of wellness, there is a six phase success path. That’s what I call it, my success path. There’s six phases and they are designed to get you to a place of dealing with that mindset, going to your healthy habits, understanding your unhealthy cycles and breaking them, leading you all the way through living a healthy lifestyle.

But what happens when something new pops up? You have something new, maybe you’re going to be folding laundry four years down the road and you’re folding laundry and you have the same situation happen with, like I did, you go back to phase one, the mindset, becoming a mindset master, leading yourself, and I think that we get scared to see me.

Or to face that change. We get scared to face that change because it’s comfortable, like I said, it’s comfortable for me to default back to a scarcity mindset of time. That’s my default. To put expectations on myself, or then as a result, I put expectations on myself that no one else imposed. No one asked me to do.

It’s all about me and my mindset first. So leadership. What do we do to take leadership of ourselves? One, we have to get honest. We have to get very honest with ourselves and our situations. Every single one of us needs help. And maybe you don’t need help from me. Maybe you need help from a therapist.

Maybe you need help from a traditional doctor. Maybe you need help, something else that I won’t do or can’t do. Totally cool. Get radically honest with yourself. Do you need help? Are you having trouble showing up for yourself? If that’s you, my friend, you probably need to get inside my wilderness of wellness.

The Wilderness of Wellness is for women just like you that have tried all the diets, tried all the plans, and everything seems to like work for a while, but then it doesn’t. It’s not you. It’s the approach. We do things so differently inside this community. It has every tool, resource, everything you could ever need.

And I know that that sounds crazy and that sounds like, Oh my gosh, but how? Trust me. Now, there are people who join the Wilderness of Wellness and they do not participate. They don’t show up for themselves. The thing is, inside the Wilderness of Wellness, you can do everything self paced. There is no getting behind.

There is no way that you can get behind. In fact, as soon as you open up your portal, that is one of the first things you’re met with. You are not going to get behind because it’s all self paced. There are live meetings that you can attend. You can watch them on replay. You’re not going to miss anything.

You can still be an active part of the conversation and the and the community on there. Do as much as you can as much as you want that season can give you. Do as little as just doing the monthly challenge. You will get results by just doing the monthly challenge even. So if you are interested in joining And you’re like, you know what?

I really want to learn more about the wilderness of wellness. I really want to see what this is about everything. I’m going to pop down in the show notes. I’m going to pop down the wait list for you to get on the wait list. Here’s something fun. I have only ever offered the waitlist two times, two times now.

Now on this waitlist this time, not only do you get special pricing, you get early access, but I’m also offering two bonuses and I’m going to share those bonuses here. I’ve not shared them anywhere else yet. One of the bonuses is a meeting with me, a group call with me where you can get Personalized support, Q& A, and more.

I’m not going to share the rest of that part. But the other bonus is that if you purchase and join the Wilderness of Wellness, you will get a free symptom burden assessment from me and a personalized protocol written just for you. Now that just by itself is a 499 Value that I’m offering for free. If you get on the wait list, but this is only for waitlisters.

If you know someone else that you’re like, Hey, like you’ve been talking about your health with a friend or something, and you want them to join with you, get them on the list as well. That is totally cool. Join together that way you at least have a buddy in there that you know, because sometimes, you know, girls, some of the times we don’t like to go to the bathroom by ourselves.

We don’t like to do things by ourselves. We find girlfriends to go with us. Bring a girlfriend and check it out because I promise you once you get in and you start showing up for yourself, you will make changes that are lasting and you’re going to be like, Oh my gosh, where has this been my whole life?

In fact, the only people that should not join the wilderness of wellness are people that still live in their excuses. Still want to have the excuse to fall back on. Well, I just don’t have the time. I just can’t make it. I can’t watch the videos. Cool. Because they’re all available so you can even listen to them like a podcast.

So that’s cool. The people that, the other people that should not join are people that just want a fast fix. They want Octavia or Ozempic or something else like that. They want a fast fix. They want a pill to fix things. They want I’m trying to think what else. Yeah, the silver bullet people. The people that claim that they’re so busy and can’t show up.

So they just need someone to come over and fix it because honestly, we are here to do the work. Every single one of the ladies inside this, this community are here to do the work. And we invest not only in ourselves, but in each other.

Thanks for listening to the crying in my cheesecake podcast. I hope it encouraged you to make a next best step for your health. Take a look at the show notes for more information or other links. I mentioned in the episode, and if you got to this point, come find me on Instagram at crying to my cheesecake, send me a DM and tell me that you listened to this episode and what you got out of it.

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hey, i’m Danielle

I love Jesus. I love my family. And I get joy from having a front row view of people growing toward their goals because of what I’ve taught.

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