Do you remember this sign, <? Does it bring back memories of math class and learning about inequalities? As much of an English nerd that I am, I really enjoyed my math classes. I enjoyed taking a problem and finding a solution. I loved the intricate details that happened in each of the steps. If you made one simple mistake, the whole solution was off. I loved that challenge.
I’m not sure I love all challenges, but I do find myself quite competitive. It’s a trait that runs deep in my veins. So it isn’t a stretch that at times I find myself in the places of inequality. I feel less than and it takes me off guard. The definition of inequality is: difference in size, degree, circumstances, etc.; lack of equality. In reference to mathematics, inequality means: the relation between two expressions that are not equal, employing a sign such as ≠ “not equal to,” > “greater than,” or < “less than. The mathematic definition represents just how I was feeling yesterday. I was not equal to. I was less than another who was greater than me.
When I’m taken off guard, it rattles my very being. I don’t think straight. I hone in on that one thing that keeps me feeling less than. It is so loud that I am deafened to Truth and deafened to nearly everything going on around me.
This is the time that I retreat to my own corner. I stay away from people. I don’t reach out for help or prayer. I become a recluse. Then bitterness sets in as the feeling of less than begins to fester in my corner. I lash out at husband for breathing wrong. I am impatient with my children. I am not pretty.
I know I am not really less than, but it is amazing how this feeling can just overwhelm me out of no where. How funny is it that I need to eat my own words that I’ve professed to so many others?
No matter how strong we are, we still have those moments that the enemy tries to take us under. Yesterday was that day for me. Life was going great until it wasn’t. Something came up and hit my insecurity nerve. The spiral began.
This time I chose to reach out for prayer. I called my friend on my way to church last night. I told her what was going on with me and asked her to pray as I couldn’t see straight to even pray. So I asked for intercessory prayer. My dear friend prayed over me while she was in the bathroom prepping to go to her own meeting that evening.
I’m so grateful that I’m in a season of God showing me how healing can take place through transparency. Being authentic with those around me means I don’t have to struggle alone and sink into darkness.
Seriously though… I don’t have time to allow darkness to keep me hidden in my corner. I’ve got too much to do to further God’s kingdom. And guess what? So do you! We were chosen to be here at this specific time. We have a specific purpose for this time.
Do you struggle with feelings of less than? How do you usually cope? Did my perspective resonate with you today?
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