I am a mom of three. I’m a wife of one. I do life with my family in a humble three bedroom one bathroom home.
There’s laundry to do, meals to make, groceries to buy, carpool to be driven, school PTL, and bills to pay.
There’s ministry to do, relationship with Jesus to maintain and deepen, and a written Word to learn.
I have a body that needs maintained to good health so that I can take care of all the above.
Normally, all the above is my daily routine. It’s the life I’ve come to learn and do and enjoy. Last week, though, it all came to a grinding halt. I’m tired. And not the tired of I’m doing too much and need a break. No, I’m literally tired from little to no REM sleep for over six months. I have been spinning for the last six plus months in this state of pure fatigue.
Last week though, my body started hurting. My brain couldn’t keep up. The actual chemistry in my brain went ape shit and I started to lose sight of reality. My brain and heart were fighting over truth and Truth. I needed to cry. I needed to process. There wasn’t time to. Nor the brain power. I wanted to read but every time I opened my Bible or book I would have an overwhelming struggle to keep my eyes open or brain alert.
I was in every essence mush which caused me to think poorly of myself. How could I feel this way when I have so much to do? So many people need me that if I’m off my game what will happen to them? I need to be writing, but I cannot get words to flow coherently. The walls of my already small house were closing in on me.
I became ungrateful for this home that allows me to be a stay at home mom. I get to raise my babies. I get to not be house poor because I think I deserve a bigger home. I get to have a nice van because we own this small home. I get to send my kids to private Christian school. I get to indulge in LulaRoe and WovenPear. My kids get to be spoiled with time, things, and experiences.
The switch from focusing on all the negative to the positive started happening, but not until I reached out to sisters that stopped what they were doing to pray over me. I was vulnerable with them, sat pride aside and asked for help.
These first world pains and troubles I was feeling were legit. John Keats, one of my favorite poets, said, “Do you not see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?” I need to accept these troubles and use them educate and enhance my soul. I had to reach out for help. No one could physically fix my problems in my brain. What they could do, though, was pray intercessory prayers for me. Take me to the Throne and lay me at the feet of Jesus when I couldn’t lay my paralyzed spirit there myself.
I guess my whole point in laying this out here is to let another woman struggling to see hope and joy in her life right now, that she’s not alone. It happens. It’s how we pull ourselves out that shows our character. It shows where our heart really is. Do we turn to Jesus, by having Godly friends intercede for us? Or do we turn to that Instagram imagery of moms and wine? Or Netflix and chill? Or whatever escapism that isn’t Jesus?
You know our daughters, sons, husbands, friends, neighbors–they are watching us. I don’t want my children drinking away or escaping what God intends as a maturing moment. How we handle our dark periods is so stinkin’ important to the Kingdom of God.
This blog is part of the #FridayFive hosted by Mrs. Disciple.
photo credit: danielsteuri <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/142282943@N07/29103957780″>Gracht view</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>
