There’s that moment when the stick turns positive. Excitement ensues, plans begin to take shape, doctor’s visits, ultrasounds, hearing the heart beat. The feelings of the first kicks to the last few jabs. The aching body that ultimately leads to labor pains and then delivery. A baby is laid in our arms. The fruit of our labor and fruit of our love is lying in our arms.
What the world doesn’t see after that little one comes into this world is the hardships it may have taken to get that baby born. You see, I wasn’t afforded motherhood the easy way. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I had to face Mother’s Day that following year without the baby that was expected. I was infertile and unable to conceive a child on my own without the help of doctors probing and involved in the intimate details of my bedroom.
The first child I was able to bare to life came at 33 weeks 3 days. It wasn’t easy to conceive, but it also wasn’t an easy pregnancy. That second Mother’s Day I was in a situation that could have ended in the life of my child and/or myself.
The second child I bore life to was an amazing blessing. She was conceived without fertility medicines. That pregnancy was easier on my body. I say easy, but there were still aches and pains, though nothing risky like my first. Though easy, the worries of the prior pregnancies always crept in keeping me from connecting to my baby until she was born.
December 5th of 2014, I lost another child due to miscarriage. Right now, this day, I should be 7 1/2 months pregnant with our third child. Excitement in the air because we would be so close to our next baby. I’m sure I’d be nesting by now. My house would be extremely clean–you know the hands and knees mopping, the floor boards dust free. The type of clean that can only come from a nesting mother.
As I sit here today, this Mother’s Day, there is no sign of an impending birth. There are folded clothes all laid out in piles on the couch ready to be put away. There are legos, riding toys, empty boxes that once held the toys that are now scattered on my living room floor. My kitchen floor has fresh cut grass remnants on it as I haven’t swept it up yet. There are no baby clothes out and washed and placed in a dresser. The newborn cloth diapers are still in a drawer just waiting.
I sit in reflection today on this Mother’s Day. My husband and I have a desire that is so deep to have children that we go through the challenges that require dedication to the fullest. We endure the hormone changes I go through with each month of fertility. We endure the schedules to which we must adhere in order to conceive. And when that doesn’t work, we mourn and move on believing that God is going to bless us in His time.
I also think about the moms who haven’t had the opportunity to conceive and yet so desperately want a baby in their arms. A child to mold and grow in the name of Jesus. I’m thinking about the moms who were teenagers when they met their first borns. How their sacrifices are just as important as my sacrifice as a married mother. I’m thinking about the moms who may have chosen abortion and are now regretting that decision. The women and men who so desperately miss their mothers due to being separated by death. The mothers who have lost their children because they were born too soon or because they never got to take their first breath outside of the womb. Then, those mothers who have had to make the decision to give their child away, either to adoption or foster care, because of the circumstances they find themselves in.
My social media walls today are full of tributes to Mother’s Day. If my wall is full, then so is the woman who is hurting on this day. I am blessed to be called mother and proud of who my children are and who they are going to be. I’m fortunate to have two sweet faces to look in the eyes. There isn’t day I am not blessed by their existence in my life. I am choosing to observe this year’s holiday by praying over those who have hard circumstances on Mother’s Day.
Please share your prayer requests below in the comments. I’d love to pray over you today!