Self- Conscious

I have this friend that I met not so randomly at my OB’s office. We had what seemed like normal waiting room talk–new mom to new mom. I ended up giving her my phone number so that she could text or call if she needed support.

Now that I look back on the whole giving her my number, I could have come across like I was a dude leaving a gal I just met my number. Could have come across as creepy. This random woman is giving me her number? Weird!

The more I think about it, the more weird I may appear to be. I mean I may look weird because I haven’t bought many new clothes for myself since being a stay at home mom. So I’m probably out of fashion and wearing clothes I’ve had for years.

This may have just been the beginning of my life looking weird to the outside world. I gave my number to a random girl I just met, because something inside me kept telling me to push further and further.

I’m glad I did. That woman is now one of my closest friends. She is one of those people who tells me like it is and calls me on my crap. She sees through me and laughs at me and with me.

She’s pushed me into places I never thought I’d be. She’s taught me a lot about myself.

With that said, she mentioned to me today that I should be writing blogs on helping mom’s with normal mom questions. My response was, “Like what kinds of questions.” I started to close up and freak out. Writing transparently isn’t my favorite thing. Writing to teach isn’t my thing either. I’d rather be in front of a group of people teaching.

But can teaching really be done through writing?

I believe it can.

But am I equipped to do this?

I believe I probably am.

She said to me, “Danielle, why are you so self-conscious about writing and teaching? I’m self-conscious as a mother. Constantly worrying about my mothering abilities, things I didn’t have a mother to model for me. You’re so worried about things so different than me.”

She’s right. I’m scared to write. I’m scared to share my heart. Maybe it is still fear that people will judge me and alienate me. It could be that I learned early on that my junk should be shoved under the rug only to never discuss again. Move on. Don’t worry about it any longer. Let it build up. Fill it with food. Fill it with activities. Keep busy.

Maybe I should start to use my experiences to help others. After all, this life isn’t about me. So with that said, I’d like to share with you a few new things coming from me. Those of you that do read this blog, I thank you! You are much appreciated.

1. I plan to video blog on here.

Eek!  This means I may have to do my hair and make up… or maybe not? This may mean that I need to get dressed… or maybe I’ll just aim the camera at my head and chest so you can’t tell what I’m wearing :).

2. I’ll continue to blog on here more frequently, but I need YOUR help.

What are some topics as mothers that you struggle with asking? What topics would you like explored further?

3. I have something in the works. God is using my story to share Hope with women going through a specific struggle. Life changing. It’s totally a work in progress just as I am.  Be on the lookout for updates!

Until next time, may you take a look at the areas you are self-conscious. Why are you feeling that way? What makes you suck in air and say, “No, Not me!”

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hey, i’m Danielle

I love Jesus. I love my family. And I get joy from having a front row view of people growing toward their goals because of what I’ve taught.

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