The smell. The smells are different. Each child has a different smell. I don’t understand. How can one smell so innocent, fresh, warm and the other have her own scent of sweetness and softness. The smells of my children have always been a stress reliever, a comfort in times of need, and reassurance of what is in front of me.
When my son was born and in the NICU, the nurses came down nearly immediately to bring me a small 12″x12″ yellow quilt and place it in my hospital bed with me. She distinctly said that I needed to keep this cloth with me so they could put it in Dietrich’s incubator. Somehow the smells of the mother would provide comfort and ease for the baby. I then began switching blankets with him because I noticed his smell provided amazing comfort to me. From that moment, I have breathed in Dietrich’s smell and often searched for it.
As he gets older, the smells of my boy will change. They will become filled with sweat, probably gross boy smells, dirt, and whatever else he finds himself caked in. But that smell, his distinct smell, will forever be a longing of mine.
Just the same with the inside jokes. I look into the eyes of my children. I yearn to know them more. I yearn for them to know me. The core of who I am. I want my children to be better than me. There’s something amazing I’ve noticed that’s happened in the relationship I have with my children–we have inside jokes. Inside jokes that seriously seem ridiculous, even to their daddy, but we love it. Laughter comes from deep within our guts when we bring forth these humorous moments.
It makes me wonder if other mothers have inside jokes with their young children. It makes me wonder what kind of relationships other mothers have with their children. What makes their relationship special? Or maybe more importantly, what makes my relationship with my children different?
Then I started thinking about my relationship with God. Does God seek to be comforted in my smells? Do the inside jokes God and I have matter? Is my relationship with God different than others?
I’m pretty sure God knows my smells. I’m pretty sure He yearns to have me in His presence. Why? Because He says so! I’m also pretty sure my inside jokes with God, reflect my heart for Him and His heart for me. When we have inside jokes with one another we are on an intimate playing field. When I have an inside with God, I am showing my willingness to over and over go deeper with Him. I’m also pretty sure my relationship with God is different than anyone else’s. How could that possibly be? I am created unique from every other being on this earth. My relationship with God is mighty, it is a force of nature, it is a challenge, and yet it is the one thing I cannot measure. It’s immeasurable. His love for me–incomprehensible.
Same with my children. I will strive to have a love for them that is so unconditional that it is incomprehensible. I will continue to speak truth in love to my children, as God does me. I pray God will use my children to surpass my reach of evangelizing to another generation that I’ll never know.
When I find myself in an emotional state, whether it be due to overwhelming outside circumstances or stress of the normal daily grind, I find a blanket of my children’s and inhale deeply. Sometimes tears roll down my face.
Tears of satisfaction and centering of my being.
Tears that will be shed for the love of the generations to come because those smells exist.
If you see me randomly smelling my children, then you’ll know I’m basking in their presence, and the comfort their souls bring to my being.