There’s a personal hygiene task I really don’t like to do. Oftentimes if you see me in public, you’ll notice I didn’t do this task. It doesn’t take a terrible amount of time, so it’s not that. It’s a task that once you do it, you must commit to it and to flatten it to perfection. That task is straightening my hair. I have so much hair. I mean my hair does not consist of thick, course strands. Quite the opposite actually. Each hair strand is thin, but I have A LOT of it. So much so that I break hair bands all the time, it takes a hot flat iron, product, and possibly some prayer to make my hair all look nice and flat. And even then, oftentimes it’s not.
But today I was performing that task. Because, quite frankly, I feel good about myself today. And… I was getting ready for church service and don’t remember the last time I did my hair for church. Whoops. I’m in the pew worshipping Jesus, I really hope he doesn’t care that my hair wasn’t flat ironed for the last month or more.
While flat ironing my hair, I over heard my daughter say she was Captain America and was serving McDonald’s. She had the blue mask on and had a toy food in her hands preparing to serve people. Her voice declared she was Captain America working for McDonald’s. It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t an impossibility.
It made me think and start to question, “When do we quit declaring who we know we are and start questioning the impossibilities?” For example, when did I quit declaring I was a daughter of God and feel incapable in the tasks God’s specifically handed me?
The first three months of this current pregnancy I felt awful. I was taking a lot of progesterone and found it hard to peel myself off the couch or out of bed unless it was a necessary task. I was sick. Tired. And my head hurt. All the time. When times got tough and I felt like it was impossible to do anything or to be myself again, I was reminded the second trimester was just around the corner.
Then I got sick. I was sick for another nearly four weeks with an upper respiratory and sinus infection which required two rounds of antibiotics to finally nix.
God, this is so freaking hard. Yes He and I have some real conversations. But He knows me more than I know myself. I wanted to jump back into my normal swing of life. Go-go-go and doing-doing-doing. God literally had me flat out lying down for a full four months. I had to stop my life and reassess.
In fact, the gentle hand of God graced me on a Monday night. I was so sick and so tired. I thought I felt better during the day so I exercised. But I had a commitment that night at church. I chose to go though every bone in my body told me no. I got almost there and started bawling. Called Dustin. He told me to turn around and go home. I went to the church like the bull-headed woman that I am and bawled. I couldn’t even form a complete sentence. Picked up what I needed and left. Upon arriving home I realized I had a fever.
I cried more causing alarm for my family because, well, I don’t do emotions especially a public display. Dustin gets me. He’s like why do you do this to yourself? Why do you keep pushing? Why don’t you say no for now.
Novel, huh? I was just given permission to say no for now, not forever.
You see, I go the long way of telling you this story because I thought I needed to be do-do-doing for God. I thought I needed to be on the go-go-go all the time for Him. I felt incapable of serving Him because I wasn’t my normal self. I didn’t have the confidence, like my little Captain America did, to declare I was doing anything for Him while I was on the couch healing my body and growing a human being.
There’s more going on in my life right now than I knew. And I can finally say, I’m somewhat comfortable with just being and doing what God has coming my way. It is definitely a transition into something more and I’m excited for what He has planned.
So what is it that causes you to lose your declaration of who and what you are for God’s kingdom? What makes you feel incapable? Do you struggle with this?
This message wasn’t brought to you nor promoted by McDonald’s. In fact we rarely go there unless it is to use the restroom and/or coffee. Oh and I am so not a fan of the Avengers movies so definitely not trying to promote the Marvel company.