I started out the holiday season on a high. I was optimistic and really nothing stood in my way.
Until Dietrich got sick and missed the last Monday and Tuesday before Christmas break.
I watched him suffer and struggle to get well. It took awhile.
The clock started. Who was next? Oh that’s right. ME!
The moment I felt Dietrich’s hot breath on me in the middle of the night I knew I was next. I’m pregnant. I have a lower immune system. I’m a perfect target. So of course I got it.
A stomach virus. What did it feel like? Ripping my whole innards out and shoving them down the toilet over and over and over again. If this is how Dietrich felt…. my heart broke. Then I fell asleep.
I’ve faked a lot this Christmas Season
–Christmas Cards. We’ve received tons of beautiful family Christmas cards. Pictures of families that mean a lot to us and who we are. Handwritten signatures of people we love. But no one got anything from us. No one got a Christmas card from us. Well except the lady who receives my car payment in the mail every month because I have lots of left over generic Christmas cards. That’s the stationary she gets the check in each month.
–Baking. At the suggestion of a family friend from back home, I hauled my kids in the car to GFS and picked up some precut gingerbread cookies to bake and let them ice. Normally I want to bake things from scratch. Makes me feel domestic and feminine. Those that know me pretty well, please don’t fall over laughing too hard.
–Looking at Christmas Houses. We haven’t looked at any Christmas house (you know those that are lit up by people that care to let the public enjoy their beautiful displays) unless they were strictly in our path.
–Advent. Um, we started to do Advent. Then it stopped. Last year we had a perfect set up. We would read a bit from the Bible about Jesus’s impending birth and why He needed to come to this world and then we’d finish up by opening the Lego Advent calendars and building new toys. This year. No. This year we barely remembered to “light” Dietrich’s candles he made at school.
Really, though, I’m convinced I’m in a season where I’m being forced to rest. There’s this inkling deep in my gut that makes me think once the first of the year comes, especially after this third baby comes, there won’t be rest. There won’t be time for me to rest like I am now. During this resting time, though, I get to enjoy the two children I have. This time is the last time it will just be the 3 of us going out and doing things. I won’t have just my two shopping, luncheon, do everything with buddies. It will be 4 of us during the day.
Change is coming. Change is scary and stressful. Change is never what we expect it to look like.
So maybe this period of rest is for me to soak up what I have. Be grateful. Enjoy the gifts in front of my face instead of creating, buying, and doing.