First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes the ______________.
Sometimes that last part isn’t as easy as one, two, three. In fact, sometimes babies are created without love between the parents. There are many times that a woman and a man can nearly look at each other and they are pregnant. While they may love the baby, they didn’t intend to have that baby in the first place.
This is not my story. This is not the story of my little family. Every single pregnancy and child has been strategically planned. There wasn’t enjoyment in creating those lives because it became a chore. The doctors were heavily involved with all our babies. It was clinical. Medicine. A process we had to endure in order to achieve our heart’s desire.
Our IUI process was just that next step. What was different, though, was that this time we had released/surrendered any of our responsibility to creating this baby other than just showing up. We were free. Free from any stress. Free from worry.
The morning of the IUI, the closest my husband and I got to each other to possibly create a baby was passing each other on I-465 while talking on the phone. Our two children were in the room with me on the floor next to the bed when the nurse placed the catheter.
Some would think this method of conceiving was lacking the love and intimacy between the husband and wife. I beg to differ.
My husband and I had to be on the same page, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. We had to be in this thing together. Without each other, this wouldn’t have worked. Without the intense desire we both felt to have a baby, this process wouldn’t even have been a thought to us. After all, it was completely inconvenient for either of us to get up to the clinic.
Our marriage was better for the IUI process. There was no pressure on either of us. There wasn’t this medical, scientific approach to conception.
No. All we had to do was show up. We surrendered all to the One who creates, so that the responsibility of this possible pregnancy wasn’t in our hands.
This blog is part of a series in dealing with my current infertility journey. If you’d like to read more, please check out the following blogs