While I’m waiting

The two week wait between the IUI appointment and the time to test for a positive could have been miserable. It wasn’t. It was packed full of service and obedience to God. You know the song, “While I’m waiting” and how the lyrics continue to to say, “I will serve You” and “worship you”? Yeah that’s what happened.

In fact I didn’t even think about worrying or freaking out during this waiting time until a friend asked me how I was handling the wait. My response:

My God is never changing.
He never fails.
I will serve Him in obedience.
I will worship Him because He alone is in control.
I have no part in this other than I showed up.

Having no control was so freeing. So instead I attended an amazing conference. A conference I wouldn’t have been able to attend had I had the newborn that was due in June, just the month before. A conference in which sealed the deal that I, Danielle, am a writer. I am meant to share my story and minister through my writing.

Am I professional? Certainly not. Am I authentic? Yes. Do I treat this blog as I’m sitting across from you at the coffee house. Yes.

I am called to help transform lives one at a time in order to bring women (and a few select gentlemen) to the Kingdom of God. Help them through this life because it is messy.

That conference was the most uplifting I’ve felt since I was a teacher in the inner city schools. I felt this was my ultimate calling.

I was able to serve God, have uncertainties certain all the while I was waiting.

The Thursday of the conference though, I got a call from my fertility doctor’s office. It was his nurse. I had done blood work the day before I left and she was calling with the results. My progesterone was so low. I did ovulate, but it was barely. So she called me in progesterone and I was to take it 2x a day.

I took this photo while wandering around NYC.  It seemed like this girl had already been waiting... and waiting... and waiting.  Finally, out of either the sheer hopelessness of the situation or the simple fact that her arm was getting numb from being held up in the air, she rested her hand on her head. Nikon D90. 70-300mm @ 70 mm 1/320 sec at f/5.0, Iso 160. PP in Lightroom.

Thursday. The first day of the conference. I had to start hormones before I was able to go into some very important meetings the next day and those meetings required my full mental capacity.

Lord. I know this is Your calling on my life. I know this is what you’ve asked of me and I’m here. I want to do this and do this well. I need you God. I need you to just provide my brain enough energy and thought process to get through Friday. 

My friends and I go to the CVS and pick up my medicine and go out to dinner. I was so preoccupied with what lie ahead for each of us I no longer really let the thought or fear of the progesterone’s side effects get to me.

That’s the thing though. This whole process of knowing God wanted us to have another child. He placed the desire on both of our hearts. The fact we had to give up all control and just show up–made life so much easier.  I didn’t need to worry because wasn’t in control.

It’s so tempting to go there– Oh no, we just spent all that money and I may not have ovulated. What if this round doesn’t work? What if I worked out too hard a few days after the IUI? What if…..

When we star the “what if’s” of life, we’re focused on self. That’s not what God wanted for us. We are to focus on Him and allow Him to do the work in us. It’s not our responsibility to worry.

If you have any questions or concerns or want to connect on the infertility process, please find me on Facebook or email me here.

This blog is part of a series in dealing with my current infertility journey. If you’d like to read more, please check out the following blogs

For the love


Surrender in the first

Letting Go

Surface Level

I get to fight

Incomprehensible Love

Not just a How-to Conference

Yay you! Yay God!

photo credit: At the mercy of the taxis via photopin (license)

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hey, i’m Danielle

I love Jesus. I love my family. And I get joy from having a front row view of people growing toward their goals because of what I’ve taught.

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